LOVE AND OUR NOTIONS

Kima was beautiful and brainy. The two Bs she had them. She was twenty seven and wasn’t in a hurry to settle. She hadn’t found the right man yet. She met Steve and after a while she met Ola. She was in love with Steve but she couldn’t let go of Ola. Her friends, Chioma and Rachael decided to help her out, so they called for a sleepover with ice-cream and a movie. They asked her who she was in love with.

‘I’m in love with Steve, always will be.’

Kima dug deep into the ice-cream bowl and continued,

‘But I can’t lose Ola.’

‘Girl, you can’t keep the two. You have to make a choice fast....’  Rachael spoke up

‘Or you end up losing thee two of them.’ Chioma completed.

‘I know but it’s not that easy. I can’t explain it.’

‘Kima, that’s why we are here. Try and explain it to us and to yourself.’  Chioma soothed.

Kima took a deep breath and some ice-cream and went on,

‘Ola is like my best friend. I can let my hair down with him. We play a lot together. I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me. He knows the right things to say and do. We are just in sync. We have this connection. He makes me laugh, smile and makes me feel good about myself.’

Rachael and Chioma looked at themselves and back at Kima, they were speechless. Racheal found her voice,

‘And what does Steve do to you?’

‘I’m in love with Steve. He makes me want to be a better me. It’s like we compete most times. I always feel like I have to try so hard to match up to him because he’s perfect. He pushes me. He’s the man I love. I can’t explain it, he’s like a challenge and he makes me feel all giddy inside like a school girl.’

‘Wait, that’s ..that’s all...what... th’ Chioma sputtered

Rachael took Kima’s hand, ‘Babe, what’s your definition of love?’

‘Wait, before you answer that, let me remind you that these two guys are both successful in their fields. They are ok, wealthy.’

‘C’mon Chioma, I knew that already. They are my friends. Well, love is a feeling you can’t describe. You get butterflies in your belly thinking about the person. He makes you feel indescribable. You just want to do your best to please them and make them happy. That’s it and Steve makes me feel that way.’

Chioma stood up and looked at her like she was mad.

‘What about you? And if you were so in love with Steve, why did you add Ola to your list and your bed? Think about it. Shouldn’t you settle with your best friend, some one that makes you happy, smile? Kima, think about this very well. If you ask me Ola is it.’

‘Chioma, let her be. She’s the one in the relationships. It’s her choice to make.’

‘Oh Rachael stop it. I know you agree with me. You are thinking exactly what I’m thinking. She’s our friend and she needs to hear the truth. Kima, love shouldn’t make you compete. Love is not hard, it shouldn’t be. Love shouldn’t make you feel like you are not good enough or you have to work harder to please. Why do you think I got married to Edwin? He’s my Ola.’

‘Ermm, Chioma I can say I understand what you mean but I don’t. What I have with Steve has always been my dream. It is what I understand love to be and I’ve been looking for it. He also fits the image of my dream man. He’s a great guy, you’ll see.’

‘That means you’ll drop Ola. What’s wrong with him? Is it because he doesn’t give you butterflies?’

‘Chioma stop!’

‘Rachael if you won’t talk then let me. Kima, please answer.’

‘I don’t know, Chi . I just know I feel lightheaded with Steve.’

‘Ok! How’s the sex on both sides?’

‘Jesus, chioma!’

‘We are not kids here. She’s obviously sleeping with them both.’

‘People, I’m in the room you know.’

‘Yes we do. How’s the sex?’

‘I haven’t thought about that but now you asked, Ola gives me orgasms, Steve not so much but he’s good in bed.’

‘Yet he doesn’t take his time to wait for your climax.’

‘Christ, Chioma, what’s gotten into you?’

‘I’m saving our dear friend from a divorce and a very unhappy marriage. I’m done playing bad cop, you take over.’

The girls burst into laughter.

‘Chioma, thank you for trying to help me but Steve loves me too. Besides, he fits my notions on love.’

‘I wish I could find a guy like Ola.’ Rachael whispered to herself.

The girls continued with their movie, each filled with their thoughts on the matter called love.

  If you read that piece above, don’t go into the usual ‘women are confused story.’ That is not my intent. My intent is to show you everyone has different notions on love. I have heard and seen men with the most ridiculous dreams on what their perfect spouse should be like. Ladies do same too. We often leave the people that are our 80 and choose our 20 because we know no better on love.

  You see guys that leave getting married to their best friends and then when they have issues in their marriage, they run to their best friends and complain. They can’t tell their wives certain things but they can tell this female friend. Lots of ladies do the same too. You just end up cheating on your spouse emotionally because you have someone else and not them as your best friend.

  All I’m saying is check your notions on love. You might have the perfect person in front of you, hanging on as a best friend that you tell all to but you don’t see them because you have some wrong notion of how love should be. Every relationship, even marriage is a partnership, that’s why it works with your friend. If you can’t talk to the person that should be your ‘better half’, the person that should be your partner against the travails and ill winds in the world, then why in hell’s name did you marry that person?

  So I ask; what are your notions on love?